Wouldn't it be nice if things were nice
If I didn't go blaming myself all of the time
Wouldn't it be grand if I could hold both hands
And learn to love life as it is

 I wrote this about a guy I liked who didn't like me then did like me but didn't really like me and liked my best friend again. It was kind of stupid, and pretty petty, and very immature...but now we're all god, and he's super cool in my eyes. Here's some pissed off lyrics I wrote to him though.

Do you recall the time I was sitting on your bed?

You gave me a thimble, I looked up, and we both leaned in

Do you think about it sometimes? 

All the memories in my head kill me at night

They play over again

Why was I so stupid?

Was it God or Satan that lead you to me?

Lead me to believe everything that you said...

Tell me, how could you do this?

The one I trust, my best friend

I've never loved you more than I did back then

And I'd believe you if you lied to me again

"I gave you everything, you gave me nothing, I wasn't selfish i just wanted something. A sign would help, a glimpse of hope all I got was pain, but I will cope. I was told so many times to just move on, to just let it go, all I did was shake my head and kept say no. But you hurt me so much, one time to much, so goodbye to those feelings, I'm done and such." -DaVaughn

Trying to figure out how I'm going to take a Mountain Dew can and tack it properly to my wall. New things, new things...but other then that, I'm doing pretty swell today. Reflecting on some stuff and what not. I'm going over to my friend Brandon's house tomorrow, we're probably going to end up chilling. I don't want things to get awkward though. Me and him used to have this weird on and off kind of dating thing going on, and then I dropped it for Calin. I just don't want things to go wrong. I know that they probably won't but still the chance is always there, ya' know? Oh well...I'm still excited :)

I think I'm just bothered by how truly bitter and assholy some of the people from my Highlands are. I'm honestly glad I don't go there now, I wish to never go there again.

I saw my friend a few days ago
He smiled and pulled me into a hug
He asked me how I've been doing lately
I cried and clung to his shirt
He held me tightly in his arms
He said "I know it's strange
But I've been waiting for this very moment."
I had forgotten what it was like
To be captured in his embrace
To see the ridges of his mouth
Form into a wide smile
I remeber now how it felt
To be pressed against his chest
Taking in every scent
That his body gave to me
He played at the ends of my hair
With his fingers twirling around
I stopped crying and just hummed
Wondering what he now thought
He pulled me away and looked down
Sliding his thumb across my cheek
We stared at each other wordlessly
Not wanting the moment to rest
I opened my mouth to speak
But became flooded with air
Had I not been breathing?
My eyes were frantic while his were calm
He focused on me like I had not moved
Air continued to fill my lungs
I couldn't cough it away
It continued to choke me
I shrunk to the ground
Looking forward, he was still there
Looking down, he was far away
One realizing that he's gone
I sink down, letting the air fill my lungs
When I opened my eyes I saw a ceiling
Felt sweat rolling down my face
Could see my hands shaking on to of me
I rolled over staring into a wall
Just as empty as the ceiling
I know it's strange
But I've been thinking of that very moment

I think it's funny how two girls can become best friends over being dumped by the same guy. I think it's even more funny when the guy tries asking both of them out again. I think the most funny thing to ever happen to two people ever, is to have that same guys car gets trashed. Not so trashed that it's unrepairable, but enough so that it cost a lot to fix it. And then you trash it again.

Rant on MY LIFE ;3

Hey there void.
So...errrgh, I don't know how to explain this, but I will try. As typical as this is to come across, I've been rather down lately, but a lot of things. My dogs running away, my Mom and Step-Dad getting put in jail, giving my boyfriend head lice.I've been feeling slightly distant from God lately as well lately. NO hope, small faith, little reason. Then there's just simple stresses; homework, chores, Calin, friends, Church...junk like that. I rarely if ever talk to someone about it nowadays, but today decided that I was going to open up to Calin, and ended up crying to him. Instead of holding me and telling me it was okay and that he understood (like I had been expecting) he pretty much just tried to give me some advice. I appreciated the advice, honestly, and since getting home I've more or less been trying to apply it. I really wanted to just cry though, without feeling like I'm responsible for everyone and have to put my emotions aside to please unappreciative people. I just needed a companion, some comfort, someone to just hold me and soothe me. Does that make me an attention whore? Because when I didn't receive what I had been expecting of him, I just got irritated and pretended to be happy until he went home...Should I have just expected nothing, and been happy with the results no matter what he said? I mean, he did say everything he said out of love...and because he cared about me. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I still feel kind of sad though, and only really want to make myself vulnerable to him. I trust him. Do I trust God? I dunno...so probably not, or at least not as much as I should. I have too many thoughts. I wish Calin could understand...I'm capable of dealing with these things, as long as I have a confident, some who I could talk to and trust with whatever and just...listen to me, hold me, sometimes soothe me. Blah...and they say blah blah blah blah.

Some Sad

Endless, purposeless train
Heading strait towards a cliff
Where you can either crash or swim
Plunge or dip
But as it is, I don't see a reason to not jump
 But I don't see a reason to drown
Maybe I can stay here in waiting
Till some meaning finds my dim light

Oh, also here. Have this.

Don't you worry about where I'm going

Cause I'm coming home, I'm coming home

 

 Hey there empty void. How's it going for you? Hopefully swell. My weeks been pretty suckish (in pretty big ways) but just tonight I'm pretty feeling swell. Listening to this song is wonderful, and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll finish this conversation after I'm finished with another.

He died
He's dead
He's dead in my eyes

He never existed
I never loved him
I never called him mine

He never hurt me
He never loved me
I never loved him back

He never lied
I never cried
He never made me feel like crap

He's dead
He never existed
So I hold no grudge

Because nothing happened
Like friendly kisses
There was never any love

Dear Void,
     I'm sorry I've been ignoring you for a couple weeks. Please accept my apology, it was out of my control. First I got back from the 3 day "Survive This" thing, and soon after the cable was turned off. JUst got it back. Anywho, I love you, and I've missed you. Stay in touch. Write back soon.
     Always, Adanna~