I'll be back in 3 days, guys. Another backpacking trip is just around the corner >:D

Today...was weird. I went to school, finished the majority of my packet with Calin, and then we went to Subway. There we met Lieutenant Lasagna...and he was kind of a Jerk. Anyways, we went from Subway back to the School Center, and I got to finish the rest of my work. Some of the Teachers...were a little mean to Calin. I mean, I know that they care about him (probably more than a lot of there students who just never show or never do work or blah blah blah) but the things they said, and the way that they said them...were kind of mean, I guess. It hurt him, and irritated me. For a while Calin was pretty down, and I didn't know what to say or do. I tried to just hold him and stuff, but he was still sad...so I tried just listening. Still sad. Talking didn't work, I just ended up sounding stupid. By the end of it all...I was just so entirely frustrated with myself. All I wanted was to be there for him, or distract him, or just...anything, ya' know? But I didn't do anything. In fact, I only ever continuously made things work, to the point of sounding like Miraj (his ex girlfriend.) I ended up making the whole thing about me, which I didn't mean to do...but I just didn't know what to do! Nothing I did made him happy, and I just wanted to be there for him the way that he's always there for me...and I couldn't =/ He made me feel better though, which only made me feel worse...gah. After a while we were all cuddly an adorable again. I almost taught him how to ride a bike. We went to a liquor store thing. Saw a crackhead. Walked home terrified of everything...all in all it was a good day. I still just feel very...blah about it all. I dunno. Maybe I just nee to get over myself an get over it and be happy. I just feel liked I messed up. I used to o that with Zach. The very few times he' open up to me, or talk about a problem of his...I' just totally fucking blow it. I' either talk to much, or too little, or wouldn't comfort him enough...I dunno. I'm just bad at showing how much I care about people though. It's frustrating...Yeah.

Blah, so this is going to be a rant about my family. A couple days ago my Mom gave my 12 year old sister a baby sitting job watching 4-7 year olds. Six of them. That frustrated me A LOT, for several reasons. I felt like I sincerely deserved that Job. I work hard in school, and help around the house when I'm told, I watch Anthony and Travis even though I don't get paid for it...I just feel almost like I was cheated on the one Job I really wanted. Also, I didn't like the fact that Kayla of all people got it. I mean, if Alissa got it (my 14 year old little sister) then I'd still be frustrated, but I'd be okay with it because I know that she's mature enough to actually take care of children. Kayla on the other hand pretty much just sat there on her laptop all day screaming at them whenever they'd scream at each other, or bribe them with things from the store to get them to calm down. She just went about it all the wrong way...and I had to CONSTANTLY go in and out, trying to help and calm everybody down, and tell Kayla what to do practically the whole time they were here. When I got home from Church later on that night, my Mom had asked me what I'd done today, in a kind of pissed off "Well, what the heck have you done today?!" kind of tone. So I told her that I unloaded and helped Kayla watch the kids. Then Kayla told her that I didn't help at all, I just yelled. Which made me so pissed off that I couldn't even say anything, I just went in the house. I tried talking to my Uncle about it openly, and expressing my thoughts and feelings to him. Right in the middle of it he pointed towards my neck, and asked "What's that?" I looked at him strangely and said "It's a hickey..." His response to that was "Yeah, it is" and then he walked into his room. The thing that pissed me off about that was the fact that he didn't take any consideration of what I was saying at the time at all. He was only going to be concerned about what he felt obligated to be concerned about, and after that he wanted nothing to do with me or how I was doing. It just pisses me off how immature and uncaring the people who are supposed to be the adults here are. I deserve better then that, ya' know? And my siblings deserve better too. I just wish they'd all be a little bit more considerate of others. 

I will post a long rant tonight.

The stupidity of others is legit beginning to bug me...so, I'm going to blog about it. Because that's just what I do, it's my thing, ya' know? Anyways, a lot of the time (especially on the internet) I'll see people who make my brain spasm with irritation...and I hate it. I wont try to explain all of them to an empty void because I'll only really become more irritated...but yeah. Blah.

Hey there empty void. I've been feeling really badly lately, all sick and what not. Sorry I havn't been all uppity. I'll be back soon, unless I die 0.o

Good morning you silly empty void of mine. Here, this is my favourite poem by Edgar Allen Poe. Have it :)

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Edgar Allan Poe

Today was really nice. I went to Church, got to listen to Pastor Lonnie speak, FINALLY was able to hang out with some of my friends, got a bit of homework done with Calin, went for Ice cream, aaaand yeah. Today was just really nice. I'm exhausted though, so goodnight beautiful people. Until another time.

A contest to see who can care the most
Who can give the most; who can take the most
And when it seems as though I'm just a ghost
My body is shattered, my soul is broke
When I feel as though there is no hope
And my love will continue hanging from a rope
Yes, when it seems that all I've ever had is lost
All for nothing, the ultimate cost
Is the shards of my mind, falling one at a time
For I loved too much, I crossed a line
My separation from all lovers alone
Is that my heart is free for all to rome
These barriers I break leave only skin and bones
But I have nothing inside; just a heart and a home
I have nothing to hide; all there is to me shows
I have no reason to cry, but nothing in me grows
He simply couldn't take my open hearted ways
It was a part of a person he couldn't love, and wouldn't take
And I still wander around, feeling like a fool out of place
Asking if one could comprehend loving me the same
But people are too closed up, they all hang their head in shame
I could never do that though
I was never the one to blame

~Adanna Lynch

High School is almost nothing but drama, and most of those dramas are due to relationships or affections or blah blah blah. I could care less for it, which is why I absolutely love the relationship I'm in now. Anywho, before I go on another rant about my relationship, I'd like to show you an example. My friend Becky likes my other friend Brad who I used to like (if you couldn't tell, I'm using fake names.) At first, Becky was kind of in my face about it. Almost like a  "Haha, but you were as good as me, but you're nooot!! He super likes me ;D And not yoooou", except because she's a girl she said it as subtly as she could without directly saying that. Sometimes a girls hidden intentions are just strange. Anywho, Becky likes Brad who I used to like. Well, used to date. Me and Brad stopped dating due to reasons, and now Brad likes my friend Brittney. I'm pretty positive that Brad knows that Becky likes him, and I think that they should just go for it and get of my face with it because I could care less if it weren’t for the constant reminder of how little I am compared to others by Becky. Oh, and Brittney doesn't like Brad...like, at all. Which makes me happy, because she's a really good friend of mine and even though I know that Brad is the type of friend who'd be kind of selfish and uncaring for others feelings in this type of situation, Brittney totally isn't...and I love her :) But yeah, High School - relationships = drama = my transfer into independent studies.

Gah...I'm really groos. I'm going to go become ungross now. Be back with some words later, you silly empty void of mine <3

Just got back from backpacking. I'm sore...everywhere. Especially on my shoulders. I really missed Sucker Fish, but I'm glad I got to spend time away from everything and figure some things out I guess. God is strange, but he'll work in my life soon...I don't want to let anything go. Bah, who knows? I don't. Anyways, I really missed my silly little blog too. So hello there,empty void.

I'm going backpacking <3 Bye guys

By the way, if you're reading this, I love you.

By the way, if you're reading this, I love you.

I know, I know. The word gets thrown around a lot, and most people don't mean it. There's probably nothing I can do via the internet to express how much I love you or show you my full personality so that you are capable of trusting/believing me, but look at it this way. What would I gain out of going on a blog that no one reads ever, and just saying that I love you? Nothing, I have nothing to gain, aside from the satisfaction of someone else knowing that they mean something to me. That I love them, and am capable of understanding who they are, regardless of what they've done/what they do. I love you, dang it.

Nevermind :c Sleep isn't even necessary, right? Right? I mean, I only have school tomorrow...not even like it's a big deal or anything. Yeah, I'm just going to stay up all night and yeah...do that.

So, I just realized that you guys have
no idea whatsoever what I look like,
but you know what Calin and Seth and
various other things look like, so before I
get back to my sleeping 

(Because I seriously woke up at
2:30am and need to get back to bed)

I thought I'd just share a pretty little picture of me.

 

So, here. 

Take this, you silly little void of mine =3

Bah, I always seem to have a question on my mind to ask someone, and then once I do, the answer isn't at all what I expected it to be. It makes me wonder if I'm just asking the question because I'm expecting a certain kind of answer, or asking because I'm legitimately curious. I doubt my intentions a lot of the time, which (as a Christian, and as a person in general) becomes extremely, extremely frustrating. I want to be a person who can say what I mean and mean what I say, but I seriously have no idea how to...at all. That's one of the reasons I like Calin so much. In a lot of areas, he's just like me, so I feel like all we're really capable of doing is bringing each other up instead of letting each other down. When it was me and Zach, all we ever really did was let each other down, all the time. It was nearly impossible to bring each other up. I was too stubborn, and he was too prideful. It was a strange match that only really did more harm than good, as much as we both tried to do good. There were a lot of misunderstandings based off of our lack of communication, and I was always trying to see him in a certain kind of light or darkness instead of just seeing him how he was. I'm slowly learning to stop that...I'm finally starting to think about the things that he tells me, instead of just questioning them and doubting them. I'm going backpacking in a couple days with some people from my Church. Zach's going to be there...I'm hoping that me and him will be able to talk or something, or at least maybe clear some things up. I really just don't want another misunderstanding, and I really would like to become an okay friend to him.

Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horizon

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better


But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

This Is a List

So my birthday's coming up, so I'm going to make a list of things I actually want :3

A pocket Watch
A book of quotes (pretty quotes :)
Edgar Allen Poe book of poems
The Lorax (the book) or any other Dr. Seus book
Ice Cream
Orange Juice
Monster Energy Drink
A letter
Fahrenheit 451

I guess that's all for now :]

I forgot how sad I was till I woke up...

Here's to the friends that were alibis

My Wonder

How can he not see the things I do so simply?
How could he not notice the things I find so compelling?
Is it me that's making a mistake?
Am I being blinded by my love?
Or could it be that he's really this amazing?
I often find myself staring off into his eyes
Asking how I could come upon love so perfect
And everytime he holds me, whenever I'm pressed against his side
I ask myself if I'm even worth it
How could he not realize the perfection that is him?
How could anyone not find him to be precious?
I couldn't bare to lose my love, he's my only peace of mind
He's a light that I find in the midst of my darkness
And I've never seen anyone like him...
I've never been granted with such caring presence
I've never been talked upon, like I was loved with such reasoning...
And I've never loved anyone like him
I've never allowed myself any chances
I've never talked of someone with such love and such passion...
And now to have him in my life
Such an amazing, perfect being
I only ask myself what I've done to deserve him
So when he's here, with me
When everything is right
I can't help but express how much I love him
I can't help but notice all of his wonder
The wonder that is Calin...

Roses are red
Violets are blue

This guys name is Calin

And nothing else goes here that rhymes

I'm not even in the mood to do poetry

I just feel like talking about him

Well, first of all

This is my favorite picture of him

It just looks so much more like him than all the other ones :3

Oh, except for that other picture a uploaded

They're both pretty accurate

Anywho, I love this guy

He is a Sucker Fish

Can't you tell? 

Just soooo adorable

Yeah, I'm a girl...

But that's alright

                                                         As long as I'm his girl

                                                         Ugh. I sound like a girl too :(

                                                         I'm just going to leave now...       

                                                         With my head bowed in shame      

I'M SORRY MRS. JACKSON
*0000000000000*
I am fo reeeeal
Nevah meant to make yo daughta cry
I apologize a trillion time
I'MSORRY MRS. JACKSON
*0000000000000*
I am fo reeeeeal

Good morning pretty blog of mine. My sleeping schedule is absolutely terrible. I woke up at around 4 today, and didn't get out of bed till about 5. Calin's going to go to sleep early tonight because he didn't get any sleep at all >.< Blah. He's come over tomorrow to watch movies though, which is just grand. I love it when I get to see him. We're planning on watching Les Miserables, The Big Lebowski,and Airplanes. I'm really excited because I've never seen any of those haha. Also, I really just like being with him. He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :3

I don't feel like lying to you, but I refuse to tell you the truth
So I think that for now, I'll just go
There's nothing left here for me, I'm unsure of what to do
I know that if I stay, I'll grow cold

Hey there void...so, this is Zach. He's not really the cause of my general sadness, but he is a reason a lot of the time. He's not your typical Jerk Off teenager. He's actually the opposite, really kind, super sweet, funny...just purely awesome. I describe him as amazing a lot of the time. A lot of stuff happened between me and him though, and my thoughts still hurt me from time to time. Memories and stuff. This picture more than describes how I feel about him. He's a really good friend of mine.

SOMETIMES I LOOK AT MY BOYFRIEND AND THINK ABOUT HOW COOL I AM.

If I could be with you tonight, I'd hold your hand in mine
And finally be capable of sleeping

But instead I'm laying here, staring at white empty walls
Asking if anything has a meaning

And sometimes I wonder if you say what you mean
Or maybe you love me because you're hurting

It doesn’t matter I guess, because I know who I am
And I know that, for you, I could never be worthy

I wish I could live up to my own expectations
But it seems that all I do is disappoint you

But if all I do is fall, in all my efforts to love
I pray that you won't let me fall through

If all I do is hurt again
Just know that I'm relying on you.

~

Adanna Lynch

I know that someday you'll be sleeping, Darling
Likely dreaming off the pain.

I hope you'll hear me in the streetlight's humming
Softly breathing out your name.

I know that even with the seams stitched tightly,
Darling scars will remain.

I say we scrape them from each other, darling,
And let them wash off in the rain.

And when they run into the river, oh no,
Let the water not complain.

I swear that even with the distance,
Slowly wearing at your name,

Your hands still catch the light the right way and
Our hearts still beat the same.

~

La Dispute
Nobody, Not Even The Rain

I appreciate guitars, but I'd never want to play one.

I can't stand this stupidity clouding up my Facebook.

Honestly, it doesn’t even make sense.

By the way, this is Seth. Or rather, this is the only decent picture of Seth that I could find. HERE YOU GO, VOID.

Good morning empty void. Well, actually, it's 4:34pm where I'm at right now. I went to bed around sixish maybe last night. I had a lot of weird dreams. Well, first I had a dream that me and Calin broke up, so I decided to go out and get drunk with my friend Seth. Which was, in my dream, super fun. I guess I'm kind of super a light weight, so I was actually having more fun than Seth ever could! Anyways, afterwards we made plans to go drink on top on some hill the very next day at around the same time the sun was setting. Then we parted ways, and somehow it turned into day time and I was in the car with my mom, and Seth cancelled our plans, which made me all bummed, so instead I decided to go to some weird Chinese Festical or something where the Princess was marrying a frog toad blob guy, and they both fell down an empty void. I, of course, kept trying to pull them out and only pulled out a giant toad which somehow broke into a bunch of baby toads, and I had to kill them all via feet before the Princess returned or something like that. Anyways, me and some other people ended up killing them, the princess rewarded us, and all was right in the world. The end.

Sweet dreams, Jerk.

Actual sleep, mayhaps...

Ugh...I'm so tired that my stomach is starting to hurt...I need...blaaaah, actually sleep.

This is Calin. Or rather, this is a strange picture that Calin took of himself because he's just soooooo cool. Anyways, he's a dork, and I love him. Yup, that's about it.

Funny story. I just got back from walking to the corner store for my Uncle, he needed some Chili and I wanted a chocolate bar. (Symphony bars are absolutely my favorite candy bar of all time.) Anywhays, I walked in with my adventure time hat, tipped it towards a Mexican guy with a cool moustache, and asked him how he was. After that whole greeting thing, I got my stuff, stood in line, and waited. Meanwhile, the Mexican guy behind me was picking grass out of my hair. He told me that if I was 18, that he'd ask me out on a date, and then went on to guess my current age. Which wasn't creepy at all, of course. We parted ways soon after, and he left me with a compliment. "You're beautiful", he said. I naturally nodded and thanked him, then hurried on home. It's always nice to know that there are still decent, outgoing people in the world. Maybe I'm just naive, but either way...it made my day :)

:D >.< :) :o
I like these faces. That is, until Facebook chat makes them look freaking retarded.

This is Harry and Alfie. I really love this song, and I've been listening to it for a couple weeks now I think? I don't know, but they're wonderful, and eventually I plan on visiting them in Dublin :3

Good morning silly blog of mine. I was supposed to go to school today, but I've been dragging my feat on this last packet of mine. Oh, and for anyone who happens to be reading this (which, by the way, I'm pretty sure it's just me talking into an empty void) then you should know that I go to an Independent Studies school, which I hate a lot. It's like a never ending passing period to a class you really don't like. It's been a bit more durable lately though. I got a new Teacher named Roxanne who's sincerely normal. It's strange, but I like it I guess. She's easier to talk to then my other Teachers. I still miss Artin though. He basically looked like the Blues Clue's guy on steroids. He was still a fairly awesome guy though. I liked him. Directly after him came Margie though, and she...was very angry and kind of crazy on the inside. I didn't prefer her, to the the least. But yeah...so now I'm home, listening to Mayday Parade, watching Kingsly and Vlogbrothers. Today's pretty normal I guess. Average, regular...whatever works~

IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY AND I DIDN'T GET TO PLAY WITH SPARKLERS?!?! D:

Waaaah Waaah Waaah

I don't know why, and don't judge me on this empty void, but I see Brandon's pictures and updates all the time, and just kind of...miss him I guess? Or just miss that weird relationship we had? I don't know...I think I jsut miss meaning something to him. He dropped me fairly easily though, so I guess I didn't mean that much. Blah. When it's late at night, all I can think about are guys and stupid heart aches. Waaah waaah waaah.

P.S
Calin has super pretty eyes, and I never got a piece of that chicken :C

Hello there, pretty blog of mine. Today was just grand. I woke up around 2pm, the exact time that Calin, his mom, and his little brother Zachary were supposed to come pick me up. I threw on a grey shirt, combed threw my hair, and just as I was about to find my shoes, BOOM. There is Calin at the door. So I, of course, spent fooorever trying to find shoes to wear. It was wonderful. So, Calin and I went over to his moms house, and there I met his aunt Tina, his Step Dad Bill, some guy named Alex, and his girlfriend whose name I already forgot. Me, him, Zachary and his mom pretty much just chilled in the front room for about 7, watching really really bad movies such as Pot Zombies and Arena. We also at some food, drank some orange juice, got some root beer floats. Food is amazing. After that we all got in Bills car and drove to Cal Expo to watch some Fireworks. Did I mention that it was 4th of July yet? Well, it was ^-^ Anywho, we got there and sat in some bleachers, figured that THAT was far too uncomfortable and moved over to sit in some grass. A little girl tried to hit Calin in the face with a light saver, and I totally encouraged it 100% of the way, which made Calin assume that I was abusive. Psh, I'd never hurt a fly~ Anywhore, some chick started singing the national anthem, around the part of "the rockets red glare" some Fireworks went off and I totally forgot how utterly terrified I am of them, so immediately ran into Calins arms. He probably thought it was adorable or something. The mind of a boy is a strange, strange thing. The Fireworks continued for about a half hour, and I clung to Calin the entire time.  Afterwards we lost the car, and had to walk aimlessly around until we found it. Calin was cursing at the people who were setting off Fireworks in the parking lot like a loud mouthed Mexican who can't let anything go ever. Something reminded me of Zach, something stupid, and I just kind of got a little sad. Me and Calin didn't talk about it much until we got on Facebook. I didn't want to talk about my trust issues in front of his family or anything haha. Anywhoot, it's about 3AM now, and I am going to go. Peace out, dawg.

This is my first post. Welcome, to my first post.
I'll post on here when I like to, which I'm guessing will be quite often.I normally have a lot to say, and no one to say things to (and quite frankly, all of my friends on Twitter are kind of...pretentious almost?) Anyways, I'm here. Saying what I feel like saying. Sometimes I'll talk about music, mainly I'll talk about my life. So...welcome!! :D