Hey there void.
So...errrgh, I don't know how to explain this, but I will try. As typical as this is to come across, I've been rather down lately, but a lot of things. My dogs running away, my Mom and Step-Dad getting put in jail, giving my boyfriend head lice.I've been feeling slightly distant from God lately as well lately. NO hope, small faith, little reason. Then there's just simple stresses; homework, chores, Calin, friends, Church...junk like that. I rarely if ever talk to someone about it nowadays, but today decided that I was going to open up to Calin, and ended up crying to him. Instead of holding me and telling me it was okay and that he understood (like I had been expecting) he pretty much just tried to give me some advice. I appreciated the advice, honestly, and since getting home I've more or less been trying to apply it. I really wanted to just cry though, without feeling like I'm responsible for everyone and have to put my emotions aside to please unappreciative people. I just needed a companion, some comfort, someone to just hold me and soothe me. Does that make me an attention whore? Because when I didn't receive what I had been expecting of him, I just got irritated and pretended to be happy until he went home...Should I have just expected nothing, and been happy with the results no matter what he said? I mean, he did say everything he said out of love...and because he cared about me. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I still feel kind of sad though, and only really want to make myself vulnerable to him. I trust him. Do I trust God? I dunno...so probably not, or at least not as much as I should. I have too many thoughts. I wish Calin could understand...I'm capable of dealing with these things, as long as I have a confident, some who I could talk to and trust with whatever and just...listen to me, hold me, sometimes soothe me. Blah...and they say blah blah blah blah.
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